Child free or antinatalism philosophy did not arise overnight. The women who are supporting it know that there is a lot in the society that is not child-friendly. When journalist and social worker Shashi Kushwaha decided not to have children, she had to face trolling on social media.
Recently, when Navratri was celebrating the great powers of motherhood, I discovered women who believe that womanhood is not limited to motherhood only. Rather, its spectrum has expanded further. For Health Shot’s Female Fighter column, I spoke to three such women who decided not to have children of their own. All three had their own strong reasons for their decision. During this time I met Shashi Kushwaha. Who is not only spreading awareness about child free i.e. antinatalism, but is also raising her voice against women’s issues and other taboos.
Who is Shashi Kushwaha
My name is Shashi Kushwaha. Age is 32 years. I was born in a village in Hamirpur district of Uttar Pradesh. His childhood was spent in the village and his initial education was from the village school itself. Was quick in reading and writing in childhood. That’s why my parents had high expectations from me. As soon as I became a teenager, my father built a house in Kurara town near the district, away from the village and shifted us to live there and pursue further studies. I completed my graduation (B.Sc.) from Kurara itself. After this, she stayed in Kanpur for some time to prepare for a government job. Then she came back home.
The pressure of marriage started increasing
Meanwhile, many proposals for my marriage started coming. But I did not want to get married now, never mind an arranged marriage. I first wanted to be financially independent. At that time in our society, most of the girls were married as soon as they turned 20-21, all my childhood friends got married. There was pressure on me to get married. But I remained adamant that I should not get married now, first I have to stand on my own feet and create my own identity. Do not depend on your husband’s money and his identity.
Lucknow changed the path of life
Meanwhile, the biggest turning point of my life came when the result of my polytechnic competitive examination came. I qualified the exam and got admission in a government college in Lucknow for Mass Communication (Journalism) course. Let me tell you that in our area at that time people did not even know about mass communication.
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As soon as I came to Lucknow, my life started changing, I felt free. I started feeling confident that I can now do whatever I want in my life. As soon as I completed my PG in Mass Communication, I got a job in a big TV media organization in Lucknow itself. After this I worked in many media organizations.
Meanwhile, in Lucknow itself, I fall in love with a young man working in social work and who is very popular and after five years we get married. After marriage, along with working, I also obtained a post graduate degree in Master of Social Work (MSW).
cultured girls do not use mobile phones
Till teenage age, I was a very shy and so-called cultured girl. At that time I neither had a mobile nor internet. I rarely talked to people because I didn’t trust anyone enough to understand what I said. I did not have any friends with whom I could share my thoughts and feelings. I used to write my thoughts in my diary. And after a few days, she would destroy those diaries lest anyone read them and misunderstand them and make fun of them.
Confidence gained from social media
I bought a smart phone in the second year of Mass Communication in Lucknow. Then she created a profile on Facebook and started sharing her thoughts. Gradually, many people started supporting my ideas and joining, so I started feeling more confident. I used to surf the internet a lot.
From the beginning I had objections to social and traditional customs. I was strongly against conservatism, I used to feel suffocated by those evil practices and customs which involve gender discrimination, superstition and which are simply being followed in the name of religion, culture and tradition without thinking. In my childhood, I sometimes used to question my parents about this, but was not satisfied with their answers.
I hate social taboos
I always felt that there was something wrong in the society. Although my father is very aware in many matters. They considered ghosts, spirits, sorcery, tantra mantras etc. as superstitions and were against them. He used to make people aware about these superstitions. In childhood, he used to explain to us through his experiences and stories and also told us stories of bravery. That’s why I was against such superstition from the beginning.
I was not interested in worship from the beginning because I found the rituals completely illogical. Although mother does some puja, fasting etc. Gradually, I started meeting like-minded people on social media and started connecting with them. My confidence became stronger. Now I could openly tell people that I was an atheist. Now I started feeling more confident, happy and free minded than before.
Husband also opposed the decision to remain child free
Before marriage, I did not know anything about child free and antinatalism. But I was aware about the harm caused by population growth and also made people aware. At that time I was against having more than one child. During this time, I saw and heard about many problems of married women because of children.
At the same time, she was trying to understand deeply about the struggles of children in the modern era and all the problems arising in the world. Meanwhile, I realized that it would not be appropriate to have even a single child now. After researching about this on the internet, I came to know that this thinking is called child free and antinatalism. Child free and antinatalism philosophy seemed very important to me. I decided that I would never have children.
Why I decided to remain child free
Till now I have not seen anyone talking openly about child free and antinatalism on social media. When I started writing openly about this on Facebook, my family members came to know. Everyone was surprised and extremely angry after hearing about my decision to never have a single child.
My parents, husband and in-laws tried to convince me to have at least one child. But I remained adamant on my insistence and am still there and will remain so no matter what happens. Being aware after marriage, living with your rights is not a crime, is it?
I explained to everyone with my arguments how it is immoral to have even a single child now. I don’t want my child to be born in this unsafe world. Our India is already struggling with the problems caused by huge population. Population growth is leading to deforestation and the Earth is going through a climate crisis.
The whole world is struggling with all kinds of diseases, epidemics, accidents, poverty, murder, robbery, rape and social evils. Orphanages are full of orphan children. In such a situation, having children would be the biggest crime. We ourselves are not safe here, anything can happen to anyone at any time. In such a situation, how can we give birth to our own child and give his life to die in the struggle if we really care about the children?
The process of trolling started again
I kept giving all these arguments. At the same time, I also kept writing about the problems faced by women due to children. At present, the family no longer puts pressure on me to have a child.
I also kept writing posts on this issue on Facebook, people asked different types of questions. Like – why did you get married when you did not want to have children? Someone said that if your parents had thought like you, you would not have existed. Someone said that you should die etc. All such childish sophistry and questions were heard.
Till now I have answered all the questions through posts. Made some videos on this issue on my YouTube channel also. I also created a group on Facebook named Najanm Kranti/Antinatalism.
Conservative people cannot tolerate how a girl can talk about remaining child-free throughout her life. Conservative people trolled me very badly on social media. To such an extent that if it had been any other girl, she might have given up and gone into depression. But I am still standing.
Although many people were also very impressed by me. Many girls and women supported me. Influenced by this, many girls have also decided to remain child free. I plan to write a book on this issue.
Yes I am a feminist and talk on many issues
The Constitution had said 74 years ago that men and women should have equal rights, but till date the patriarchal society has not been able to accept this, nor has it been able to understand what equality is and how equality comes. From birth till death, women are facing discrimination on the basis of gender.
The aim of feminism is to raise voice against the oppression of women by the patriarchal system. Some people think that feminism means bringing matriarchy but it is not so at all. If patriarchy is wrong then matriarchy also cannot be right. Feminism talks about parity and equality.
I do activism on veganism on social media, I also did offline activism with other vegan activists in Lucknow. Our appeal to people is to be sensitive towards animals and do not keep them captive for your greed and selfishness. Everyone should have the right to freedom.
Apart from being a feminist, antinatalist, vegan, atheist, I also raise my voice against evils like casteism, conservatism, apartheid, body shaming. I want to see a society which is free from exploitation. Every human being, every animal and bird should have the freedom to live their life in their own way, as long as they do not snatch anyone else’s freedom and do not harm anyone.
Also read – My teachers taught me to face obstacles, meet Sarita Mali, a research scholar from the slums of Mumbai.